Thank The SEC For Once: Wall Street Warriors Open Casting Call

Most reality shows gets tens to hundreds of thousands of applicants so the chances of actually getting picked are like the chances of me kissing and making up with the SEC aka slim to none. But not so in the joke that is the finance industry.

Thanks to absurd, blatantly anti-American regulations (SEC take a bow) limiting freedom of speech, freedom of the press and basically everything to which we Americans take for granted, firms and industry insiders won’t allow video cameras—and even more dangerous a possible international audience—to view such XXX-rated evils like stock trading and brokers baiting and switching! Money-making is simply too scandalous to ever be allowed to go mainstream, the public just wouldn’t be able to handle it, right?

This is why our children, influenced by TV/society, ignore finance/using their brains in favor of more animalistic/primitive pursuits, trying to perfect their voices (American Idol), muscles (ARod or American Gladiator) or looks (America’s Next Top Model) to get rich and famous.

Pathetic.

Luckily, if you don’t give a flying f$#@ about some imaginary line drawn by corrupt balding bastards (encore bow SEC…hmmm, they really like the ephors in the movie 300 aren’t they?) or if your firm is crappy/desperate enough to be willing to bend the rules, I give you THIS open Wall Street Warriors casting call. This Tuesday afternoon.  

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Hey, Randall Lane, You Sick Twisted Son Of A Bitch, Remember Me?

Photo Of Randall Lane By Chester Higgins Jr./The New York Times

Note: Aside from the last paragraph this post is written following the journalistic style of Randall Lane—treating assumptions and circumstantial evidence as fact. It’s cruel, amateurish and immature—oh yes, I know—but that basically sums this guy up so in order to help him grow up, he must be given a taste of his own medicine.

To those who don’t care and just want stock picks—this is also a great lesson on how to pounce when your enemy is wounded, no different than the vultures who took out Bear or LTCM.

Last time Randall Lane, editor-in-chief of Traitor Monthly was in Page Six, he was attacking a small-time trader (me) because his magazine staff fumbled, disinviting me from their little party at the last minute after we’d been discussing my covering the event for MSN Money for days.

Clearly in the wrong, this balding bastard was forced to go on the offensive, charging my hedge fund’s losses were the result of my publicity hounding rather than bothering to research the matter like a responsible journalist might do (turning his nose up at the complimentary book I’d sent him weeks before that explained the situation in detail) and running his arrogant mouth off to the press, confident of favorable treatment due to his connected Forbes wife.

Now, just a few months later, the tables have turned as Lane himself was fired as publisher of the Player’s magazine by Lenny “Nails” Dykstra who called Randy boy out on what he’s becoming known for, trash talking when he doesn’t get his way: “If you want to fight, take me on. Don’t go behind my back and bad mouth me,” said Dykstra. “He thinks I’m going to buckle,” said Dykstra, referring to Doubledown President Randall Lane. “I don’t buckle - I go to war.”  

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ANALysts & Venture Capitalists Know S#@! About How SmallCap Stocks Trade

While I respect Andy Kessler for making a ton of $ back during the bubble and writing two superb books–Wall Street Meat and Running Money, this piece of s$#@ interview he gave on smallcaps really makes me mad. Not only does he believe it a foregone conclusion that investors should look for companies with emerging technologies, but he also refuses to name any names or give any kind of timeframe whatsoever for his theory.

To Andy and all other venture capitalists, do your thing with big companies, but don’t talk about smallcaps and microcaps—these companies ALL have cool technologies, but this isn’t 1999, most of these companies are gonna fail and their grim reality is reflected in their stock prices. While you have good intentions, interviews like this are what gets people investing / believing in these POS companies, inevitably losing $ and thinking this niche is random, which, if you focus on the proper variables—chart, volume, manipulation, message board hype etc—is clearly not the case. Dangerous dangerous dangerous, welcome to why media outlets are sooooo bad with smallcaps and microcaps–it’s a different world down here in the gutter, ain’t no place for WASPs!

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5 Penny Stock Trading Misconceptions

Thanks to my talent for self-promotion, I’ve been exposed to a crazy number of investors, traders and market theories. Here are a few misconceptions that keep popping up and are in desperate need of correcting:

1.You can’t short sell stocks under $5, you’re a liar and a fraud!

Ridiculous, of course you can! There’s no SEC rule against it, many crappy brokers just don’t allow it—hence their “crappy” title. If you want to learn PennyStocking, shorting low priced stocks is essential—that’s why I use Thinkorswim, I’m proud to do all my trading there—they rock!

2. Smallcap and microcap trading is a joke, if you want to prove yourself as a trader, trade large stocks, currencies or futures. Also, what kind of a trader is afraid to use leverage?

Thanks in no small part to the misguided, and ultimately harmful, teachings of yet another entertainment outlet masquerading as journalists, Traitor Monthly, many people think trading is about making the most, being the best and getting to the top the quickest. Screw that! Focus on long-term earning and learning—this isn’t a sport as your career doesn’t end when you’re 35-40 (it’s usually just beginning)—and look for high percentage profits wherever they might be. Yes, my niche will always be looked down upon cuz it’s unscalable and that’s just the way I like it.

All the smartest people ignore it so it’s an easier playing field—advantage me. I guess I’ll just have to console myself with annual profit potential of a few hundred thousand to a few million/year. Boo hoo.

And no, I’ll never use leverage—as these street peddlers are learning, yes, it can inflate profits, but it risks disaster. I’ll never advocate any strategy that risks disaster—short selling is risky enough as it is. Learn from the mistakes of the past—nothing is ever guaranteed…besides, if a strategy is worthwhile, the profits will be there and they’ll be hard earned and natural.  

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Revolt Of The Untalented Financial Writers!

Many of you are familiar with Seeking Alpha articles–mostly because SA’s founder David Jackson did a great job getting his content onto Yahoo! Finance–it ain’t due to the quality of work! It’s more because the financial media circus is all about more content.

Breaking news, earnings, scandals…bleh blah blah, all the most active stocks must be covered and dissected by boring-ass stuck-up finance freaks, all of whom put together are less entertaining than a block of wood all while they consistently underperform the major indexes aka people who should have no audience whatsoever and instead focus on learning how to beat the market and not being scum-sucking fee-earning marketers who take advantage of the general public’s lack of market understanding.

So, it’s rather funny to me–and it should be to you too–that many of these wannabes are revolting against SA, angry they’re not getting paid for their efforts.

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The Joke That Is Financial Commentary: Some Frauds, Morons, Comedians and Marketers You Should Beware Of

As bad as corporate management, brokers, and value investors are, financial commentators and journalists are some of the scariest monsters out there. Similarly, they pretend to ALWAYS know what they’re talking about, while NEVER disclosing their audited track records or personal trades and investments…because the truth hurts–they suck. More often than not, they will lose you money if you listen to their advice. This picture is an accurate rendering of those who dishonor this industry:

This game is BS, we should want more–we deserve more–and my newfound goal in life is to right this wrong. Over the next few months, I’ll be adding many names to this list:

1. What kind of sick and twisted SOB buys the Adword phrase “Timothy Sykes” when they are no way shape or form affiliated with me WHATSOEVER. Scumbag and probable fraud Ross Jardine, that’s who. The schmuck links my name to a shady shady shady sales page—don’t buy into that BS. How is that even legal? Damn that really pisses me off!

No idea if his stuff works, but based on his manipulative advertising practices, the 1-page sales sheet featuring a stock he claims to have called that trades less than 500 shares/day (yes, five hundred shares), common sense and industry workings, I’m gonna bet he’s a fraud. He should probly be in prison. (Feel free to prove me wrong RJ, just setup a blog and let’s see your results day in, day out, c’mon, what are you chicken, balk balk balk, yeah that’s what I thought you scumbag)
 

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In A Pathetic Attempt To Get More Clicks, Yahoo! Now Hides Date/Time Stamps On News, Complain!

UPDATE: Yahoo! went back to showing the timestamps, they don’t suck anymore…I think out complaining helped, good work guys!

Looks like Yahoo! Finance has decided to try to get more clicks by hiding the date/time stamps of the news on each stock’s main page! How can you show a list of headlines/news/PRs without their corresponding dates and times? I mean this just sounds crazy, right? Now, if you’re not a trader, you probly don’t care, but for those of us who spend hours upon hours digging through research and seeing how news / PRs affect stock prices, this is HUGE. We don’t want to waste time clicking on meaningless news just to see what day/time it came out!

For example, take a classic microcrapper momo play like SEED who on Monday morning updated investors about their new seeds. With Yahoo!’s new rules in place, you must click the stupid PR to see that it came out pre-market at 8:30am. It was good news so the stock rose a few cents, but it wasn’t anything huge. But on Tuesday, it was a whole new story—agriculture stocks were jamming and SEED rose nearly $2. If you go to SEED’s main Yahoo! Finance page, do you see the date/time for this PR? Or for any other news?  

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To All My Haters Out There, This One’s For You!

I don’t know what’s caused the recent surge in hate mail—beauties like:

“I lost any respect for the book you wrote after seeing your website….what a load of SHIT!!!!!!!”, “I read about your story and in 2 minutes I already know your scam” and “YOU SUCK. You aren’t an investment guru, you are a frick’in retard Cramer wannabe. Dip shit.”

Maybe it’s because I’ve treated AA Dupre more like an object than a person. (Uhhhhhh, she sells her body, doesn’t that make her comparable to merchandise?) Or that I enjoyed using her gossip—repeatedly—to exemplify the kind of bottom-dweller-spikes-briefly-before-fading-back-down-to-the-gutter stock chart patterns from which I profit? (Yah, many of you still don’t get that, maybe THESE slides from my PennyStocking DVD Package will help you there) Maybe it’s due to the fact that the gossip has led to over 100,000 website visitors in the past 8 days and some nice DVD sales from people who never thought about comparing gossip to pump and dumps (I know it’s my specialty, but is this really not obvious?)

But more likely its due to the fact that now after 4.5 months since inception, my mistake-riddled (but always detailed) little TIM portfolio is up nearly 35%, making me #1 by a mile on investor ranking website Covestor!

Oh yeah, I know, it’s pretty small-time, compared to the big bad world of hedge funds, but you forget that I’m trading microcraps, smallcraps and penny stocks. According to acceptable financial practice, I should’ve lost everything by now, right? (Like the people who buy into these stock turds, the financial community is lacking in researching ability (maybe that’s why many of you are Wall Street analysts ) (snap!) and forget that my approach is actually somewhat conservative: never use leverage and to short sell them, or when buying never to trust them as if their ticker was BSC! How dare I try to take these wretched little creatures mainstream? Who am I to think they are right for average investors?

Well, I’ll tell you exactly who I am—I am one of those average investors. Read back through my 500 blog posts and you’ll see I’m nothing special. Just a guy with a big mouth who’s sick of everyone ridiculing the only sector that’s ever provided consistent profits! Now, as I’m always sayin’, it’s time for little Timmayyy to cut through the BS…So to you ignorant haters, I say watch this clip:

And please be sure to keep it up because you only encourage me to work harder! I know you won’t research—c’mon, no time with all your resume sending and all night coke sessions, no worries, be yourselves and have fun, but if you think I only got lucky in the dot com boom, you’re wrong! If you think I’m trying to cheat people out their money, you’re wrong! If you think I’m ever gonna give up or not answer any and all questions tossed my way, you’re wrong! You think smaller investors don’t need help from somebody like me, you’re sooooooo wrong!I keep forgetting that thanks to the efforts of all the other “gurus” in the financial education market, you people have become scared little doggies. Like abused little doggies, it’s gonna take you a while to trust people again. Especially considering the detestable beings on Wall Street— money-hungry gurus and corporate drones alike—can hardly be described as human. I keep forgetting how abused you doggies have been. My bad. PS You can now follow me on Twitter, haters preferred!

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Why Bear Stearns And Every Other Brokerage Are Nothing More Than Scummy Peddlers

Normally I shy away from writing about all the “established” stocks out there, companies like Bear Stearns (NYSE: BSC), especially when they’re covered by the WWF of financial media—CNBC (c’mon guys have me back on, I’ve been working on my eyebrow trick!!!) but this Saturday article speculating BSC will get taken over at $15 or lower or facing bankruptcy really hits home. Not because I have stock—I’d never—or because I know a bunch of people who work there—I know just a few (sorry, my heart truly goes out to you!!)…

No, I bring this tragedy up for three reasons—1) considering the stock tanked from $90 to $30 in less than a month, a $15 takeover will kill those who “bought the dip” on Friday, aka why you should NEVER buy falling knife chart patterns, especially financial / mortgage plays, 2) no matter the final buyout price / bankruptcy, it shows how quickly these “rock solid institutions” can come crashing down, aka they are nothing more than scummy peddlers

and 3) since stockholders are the last to get paid, you gotta realize “investing in a company” is a figment of your imagination, you’re doing nothing more than getting a receipt saying you’ve spent a ton of money on something that isn’t real, aka why it’s so dangerous to “invest” and you should instead think of stocks as chips on a table in Vegas.

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