Breaking News: Microsoft (MSFT) Withdraws Offer To Acquire Yahoo (YHOO)…My Take

I tried very hard not to cover this breaking news of Microsoft withdrawing their offer to acquire Yahoo! as I believe it to be utterly useless for trading purposes, especially since we all know there’s gonna be 5,000 articles in the next 24 hours written about it, but the official press release contains some pretty funny stuff towards the end–at least for corporate speak–so it’d be rude of me not to share:

I still believe even today that our offer remains the only alternative put forward that provides your stockholders full and fair value for their shares. By failing to reach an agreement with us, you and your stockholders have left significant value on the table.

Sincerely yours,
/s/ Steven A. Ballmer

Yah, that’s just the end of the PR, but the rest of it basically just says you YHOO pricks shoulda taken our money and not been so greedy cuz now we’re gonna clobber you, just like we’ve been doing for a while, not because we’re that good or smart but cuz you guys suck worse. Seriously, that’s what it says. Ballmer admits it. Read it yourself.

UPDATE: This is getitng funnier by the hour…Yahoo! responds in THIS PR saying bah blah blah…here’s the funny part of CEO Yang trying to get back at Ballmer’s putdown:

Jerry Yang, co-founder and chief executive officer, Yahoo! Inc. added, “I am incredibly proud of the way our team has come together over the last three months. This process has underscored our unique and valuable strategic position. With the distraction of Microsoft’s unsolicited proposal now behind us, we will be able to focus all of our energies on executing the most important transition in our history so that we can maximize our potential to the benefit of our shareholders, employees, partners and users.”

It’s like two old former soap stars bickering cuz now they’re both too ugly for daytime TV. Yang, you better STFU cuz you about to get sued by all your shareholders you arrogant @$!hole

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JPMorgan (JPM) To Buy Bear Stearns (BSC) For $10 Per Share!

JPMorgan (JPM) in talks to quintuple the buyout price of Bear Stearns (BSC) from $2 to $10/share. Read the Marketwatch article HERE. Basically to shut up angry shareholders–including one very angry billionaire. I’m sure there’ll be updates…

Remember how I said how everyone had an opinion on BSC the other day–shorts said “$2 is guaranteed by theFed”, longs said “no way this deal gets priced so low” and thanks to all the opinions BSC was priced somewhere in the middle @$6…now at $10, turns out the longs, the less popular opinion, were right, you should know what I’m gonna say next:

TIM Lesson: There’s NO way to gets the odds in your favor so never never never play mainstream Wall Street guessing games

UPDATE: I know I posted JP Stearns new logo HERE before, but now I’m getting word it’s being redone to the pic below:  

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