Breaking News: Microsoft (MSFT) Withdraws Offer To Acquire Yahoo (YHOO)…My Take

I tried very hard not to cover this breaking news of Microsoft withdrawing their offer to acquire Yahoo! as I believe it to be utterly useless for trading purposes, especially since we all know there’s gonna be 5,000 articles in the next 24 hours written about it, but the official press release contains some pretty funny stuff towards the end–at least for corporate speak–so it’d be rude of me not to share:

I still believe even today that our offer remains the only alternative put forward that provides your stockholders full and fair value for their shares. By failing to reach an agreement with us, you and your stockholders have left significant value on the table.

Sincerely yours,
/s/ Steven A. Ballmer

Yah, that’s just the end of the PR, but the rest of it basically just says you YHOO pricks shoulda taken our money and not been so greedy cuz now we’re gonna clobber you, just like we’ve been doing for a while, not because we’re that good or smart but cuz you guys suck worse. Seriously, that’s what it says. Ballmer admits it. Read it yourself.

UPDATE: This is getitng funnier by the hour…Yahoo! responds in THIS PR saying bah blah blah…here’s the funny part of CEO Yang trying to get back at Ballmer’s putdown:

Jerry Yang, co-founder and chief executive officer, Yahoo! Inc. added, “I am incredibly proud of the way our team has come together over the last three months. This process has underscored our unique and valuable strategic position. With the distraction of Microsoft’s unsolicited proposal now behind us, we will be able to focus all of our energies on executing the most important transition in our history so that we can maximize our potential to the benefit of our shareholders, employees, partners and users.”

It’s like two old former soap stars bickering cuz now they’re both too ugly for daytime TV. Yang, you better STFU cuz you about to get sued by all your shareholders you arrogant @$!hole

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Breaking News: UBS Announces $12 Billion Loss, $19 Billion Writedown & Chairman Ospel To Step Down

Just like the title says. Switzerland’s largest bank lost $12 billion in one quarter and is writing down just over one third of their entire $55 billion marketcap. Long-term investors, read it and weep. The loss was actually anticipated by ANALysts , so it’ll be interesting to see how much damage there will be to the stock.

I said it once and I’ll say it again, all these banks and brokers are nothing more than scummy peddlers. the sooner you stop believing a word they say and begin expecting the worst, the better off you’ll be. Rest assured, this is not the last mammoth scummy p eddler writedown…not by a long shot!

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JPMorgan (JPM) To Buy Bear Stearns (BSC) For $10 Per Share!

JPMorgan (JPM) in talks to quintuple the buyout price of Bear Stearns (BSC) from $2 to $10/share. Read the Marketwatch article HERE. Basically to shut up angry shareholders–including one very angry billionaire. I’m sure there’ll be updates…

Remember how I said how everyone had an opinion on BSC the other day–shorts said “$2 is guaranteed by theFed”, longs said “no way this deal gets priced so low” and thanks to all the opinions BSC was priced somewhere in the middle @$6…now at $10, turns out the longs, the less popular opinion, were right, you should know what I’m gonna say next:

TIM Lesson: There’s NO way to gets the odds in your favor so never never never play mainstream Wall Street guessing games

UPDATE: I know I posted JP Stearns new logo HERE before, but now I’m getting word it’s being redone to the pic below:  

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Ashley Dupre Girls Gone Wild Pics, aka It Never Ends!

Forget about at least one of her $1 million offers, now it turns out all around “classy” girl AA Dupre has already filmed weeks worth of “classy” videos for Girls Gone Wild, owned by all around “classy” guy Joe Francis. Check out the pics below and try to guess which guy/guys paid nothing for what Spitzer paid with his career!

UPDATE: Now, we’re hearing Dupre was 17 when she filmed GGW so a blockbuster video looks to be out…for now. You know Dupre’s lawyers are gonna try and turn this around on Joe Francis–the twists and turns never end!

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JPMorgan (JPM) Buying Bear Stearns (BSC) For $2 Per Share!

Forget $15 or $20. They’re only willing to pay $2 per share! Bear Stearns is now a penny stock . From this AP story

All I can say is wow, if the situation is really this bad, Lehman is done for, along with many other peddlers, too. This could get uglyyyyyyyyy

UPDATE: The Fed just cut 25 basis points, on a Sunday night!

UPDATE 2: Enough already, I’m posting what a dozen people emailed: THIS ARTICLE with Cramer saying “No! No! No! Bear Stearns is not in trouble. If anything, they’re more likely to be taken over. Don’t move your money from Bear.” The guy was wrong. He’s wrong more often than not. He’s in the entertainment business…like the WWE…he’s The Rock, his eyebrow trick is to act crazy. Welcome to reality. Those of you who trade/invest based on his pick, you deserve to lose. Think about it, would you listen to a stock pickgiven by The Rock? No, of course not!

UPDATE 3: Seen the video, Cramer’s talkin’ about Bear’s clients being safe, which he was right about, not the stock itself. Still, lots of envy out there, his haters will continue to have a field day with this…

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