Forbes The Latest Victim In Randall Lane’s Web Of Deceit Or Why Trader Monthly aka Doubledown Media Is Failing
Posted by timothysykes on Tue 17th of Jun, 2008 11:20:25 AM
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Based on nothing more than widespread rumors, circumstantial evidence and a few sources—not coincidentally the same reasoning they once used to find me guilty of a crime I didn’t commit—Trader Monthly aka Traitor Monthly aka Doubledown Media—they use several aliases because, like any common criminal, their flawed ideology and dirty deeds are finally catching up with them—is failing fast.
Like any good wannabe journalist, not that I really wannabe, I should mention my history with these cockroaches, specifically their twisted son of a bitch editor-in-thief chief, Randall “The ideal reader is 29 years old, making $400,000 a year, and spending all of it.” Lane. And thankfully, that reprehensible quote (yes he really said it, seemingly proudly, see article HERE) is one of the foremost reasons why rumors are swirling that Doubledown Media, devastated by several legal battles—everybody from Lenny Dykstra to Private Air—and the loss of their CFO (hey, they really are a typically corrupt financial firm!) is down to just one magazine, from five, and is close to shutting their doors. After all, given the economy, difficult industry times and unemployment/bankruptcy of those who espouse such blatantly flawed thinking, who’s really gonna read or advertise their junk? And of course, there are the sordid details…
Based on Dykstra’s fun public court filings, we see good old Randy was stiffing Lenny bigtime–there are several articles in the latest issue of their co-partnered magazine without bylines, meaning they were written by interns and other entry level employees as in why is Doubledown getting paid for this crap?
Based on a great article that’s sadly subscription required, we discover Doubledown has no problems discarding ethics (no big surprise there)
Based on fun blog comments—no doubt written by one of the many Randy boy screwed over in his lifetime (not me I swear, LOL)—we learn DM is rumored to have stolen Private Air from its founder without paying for it…the case is in arbitration
But best of all, we get to see how Randy and his Fortune writer wife have tried to twist the truth by way of their journalist friends as not only did the NY Times put out a puff piece, which if Doubledown was a penny stock (not that they have the money to even do a reverse merge into a shell company…oh man, this is just too easy), we would rip it to shreds considering how they paint, yes, with big fat brushstrokes, a sugarcoated version of themselves in which the recession doesn’t matter because all their readers are so rich (which could be the funniest thing I’ve read this decade considering these guys give truckloads of their “premium” magazines away for free to anybody wearing a suit, which is made even more suspect by my encounter the other day with a homeless guy who was chilling in a perfectly constructed house made out of Traitor Monthly magazines. When I asked him how he could afford the suit he said “Some balding bastard guy named Randy bought me it if I promised to take 1,000 of his crappy magazines. I prefer US Weekly, but I’ll sell the suit for a few bottles of JD tomorrow”)
The NY Times was an embarrassingly obvious puff piece, but what really inspired this post was Forbes trying to rip Lenny Dykstra a new one in THIS incredibly one-sided-shoulda-never-made-it-to-press article. The details of that article are quite inconsequential–what matters is why it was written: at the behest of Randall Lane’s Fortune writer wife! That’s right, this is how journalistic influence works–since Randall fails at just about everything he touches, he relies on his wife to make his enemies look bad. Quite a sad little man who, like a robber who’s discovered he has one week left to live, feels the need to blame others for his shortcomings, of which there are many.
Yes, Joshua Lipton of Forbes, I’m talking to you, because you’ve allowed yourself to be influenced by scum, you’ve forgotten your journalistic duties and fallen victim to the ethics-lacking-conflict-of-interest-galore-freakshow that is this penny stock-like circus with guess who as the ringleader (oh yes, this mess is scary similar to ANY penny stock pump and dump—shady characters, shitty businesses, misleading articles, seemingly inevitable company failure, etc. which is why I feel supremely qualified to write about it all)
It’s ironic, if not incredibly delightful, that I, who this traitor-to-all-true-traders-media-outlet once called the Ryan Leaf (failed football star) of Wall St. (good one “but you have heard of me”) get to deliver the bad news that these guys are likely going under, especially during a quarter in which my tiny operation somehow managed to draw in more than double the traffic of their multi-million-dollar house of cards (I also included industry leading Hedgefund.net to show just how pathetic this trillion-dollar industry is…not Hedgefund.net’s fault—they’re great…seriously—no their minimal traffic would be the result of yet another one of Osama bin SEC’s terrorist acts industry regulations aimed at prohibiting freedom of finance):
(FYI naïve Traitor advertisers, when your media outlet of choice is nearly insolvent, like most of its similarly-flawed-ideology readers (why is conservatism/no leverage so difficult for soulless superficial bastards to understand?!?!), it’s the right time to rollll to me…because my readers, under my guidance, are just beginning to grow wealthy and will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER be insolvent, nor be forced to liquidate their overpriced possessions just to cover their mortgages and coke habits thus flooding the market with secondhand inventory of your superficial crap, aka think long-term/abstractly and protect your absurd margins by rolllling to me—look I can promote through honesty “buy this $400,000 watch, it’ll make you feel better about yourself because God knows since you work in finance, you have the soul of a soy bean”)
So Randy, now that’s it’s even closer until your latest publishing mishap, I’ll repeat the offer I made you just over a month ago, with a few changes…you see when I showed my compassionate side with that unpaid internship offer, the spot was available…now it’s not…times twelve. In case you didn’t notice, it’s a tough job market and since you stalled—good lesson learned (just like that hair plug F.I.A.S.C.O)—I can only now offer you an assistant unpaid internship where you’d be working under Davey or Zak.
Now I know what you’re thinking, neither of them are legal to drink yet, but c’mon man, it’s still an opportunity to work your way up in the publishing field and now, if the rumors and my theories prove true (I’d say 70/30 at this point), this will be your second publishing company to fold so I feel I’m being more than generous here. I mean Victor Niederhoffer has similarly blown up two companies—although of course he’s an actual trader/writer while you just pretend to be—and I don’t see anyone offering him another shot.
And you gotta remember, so far, just a few days into their jobs, Davey and Zak have proven themselves mature beyond their years, which is much more than I can say for you, so in addition to me helping you clean yourself up, they’ll help too! All you have to do is contact me and admit you need help…maybe something like “Hi, I’m Randall and I’m an asshole”. And my staff and I will respond with a nice reassuring, “Hi, Randall”. I promise.
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